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Archive for the ‘wade hate “hates”’ Category

If you were to die today, you would either go to Heaven or be sent to a theater and be forced to watch “What Happens in Vegas” starring Ashton “The Tool” Kutcher and Cameron “Man in a Dress” Diaz.

I have not seen this movie, but I have had to sit through the fuckin’ trailer. And in the duration of the whole minute, I almost killed myself three times. Even the poster makes me want to blow my brains out. This is exactly the kind of propaganda that the Anti-Christ would use to take over the world… I’m not sure what that means but I’m sure Ashton Kutcher IS the devil or he is, at least, sitting in on the boardroom meetings in hell. That would explain “Punk’d”.

I know, how can I be so harsh on this film when I haven’t even seen it? Easy, I’ve never been to prison, but from what I’ve seen, I bet I would cry a lot and wish I were dead.

It looks as though everybody involved in this film has given up. I think top executives in Hollywood Have “Magnetic Screen Play” magnets on their corporate refrigerators.

It would go something like this: MAN MEETS + MONKEY + ROAD TRIP + GUN + MUST SAVE WORLD + ASHTON KUTCHER

Yay, Blockbuster!

fuck.

I’m gonna go watch “The Savages” again and eat Funyuns….

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And Justin Timberlake got to see his Memphis Tigers get their asses handed to them by Kansas!

There is a God… and he loves Kansas.

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I watched a horror movie called “shrooms” last night. It started good then sucked big time. Like almost all modern horror films.

Here’s the plot, so you don’t have to waist your time: Young people go to the woods to do wild “shrooms”… but they are told to NOT do the black shrooms (that’s so racist), but, of course the main girl does…. They are told of crazies in the forest. The crazies kill everybody but the main girl, then you find out that SHE did all the killings on the black shrooms…. there were never any crazies, just HER!!!!

dumb as shit.

Everything half way cool about this lame movie was ruined by the ending. It’s a beautiful looking movie… most of them are… so, I just try to “watch” them instead of enjoy them.

Modern horror is awful… here’s a list of “musts” in modern horror:

1. A twist ending (here’s a twist ending idea… have NO TWIST ENDING!).

2. Everything scary will be reinforced with really loud sound effects and music. No need for suspense when you have a good sound designer.

3. Everybody has greasy hair. Bad hygiene is pretty scary, now that I think about it,

4. You need at least one creepy child… he or she should walk with a weird “walk” and have greasy hair or even better, a burlap bag with ‘eye holes’… or a cute mask or something (I would do the mask thing if I were making a horror film).

5. Sex is always bad. Nobody EVER gets to have normal/fun sex…. “I’m glad we’re two responsible adults who can engage in monogamous intercourse and respect each other”… then his dick is cut off by a little girl with greasy hair and a “home made” axe made out of wooden ruler that she was beaten with when she was locked in the basement 50 years ago!!!!!

6. Nobody is JUST EVIL. Everybody has a “reason” they are evil… and they WILL show you in a flashback… they were an innocent kid once until their demonic grandmother made them wear dresses and have “tea parties” with DEAD PEOPLE!!!

7. Ugly people are never terrorized. If you are ugly, this is the one real blessing you have.

8. Stay the fuck out of the woods.

The list goes on and on… I may add more later. Anybody else got some more to add to the list?

-These modern horror movie directors need to go back and watch “The Exorcist” and “The Shinning”.

“Halloween” is a freekin’ masterpiece and there isn’t one drop of blood in the whole damn thing.

I just want to be scared again….

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Lou fuckin’ Dobbs

I hate his stupid fuckin’ android smile.

I don’t trust his smile… there’s something hiding behind those perfect (doll) teeth. Watch how he laughs and tell me he doesn’t hurt small animals in his garage.

Don’t get me wrong, I do actually agree with Lou Dobbs on some things (my fear of the North American Union), but even a broken clock is right twice a day.

He is one smug mother fucker. I think, deep down, he’s so racist, that he probably even hates white people…. considering white people are the ones that made him in the android factory that he once called home… until he crashed through their “laser cage” and escaped to do cable TV.

Lou Dobbs probably jerks off to photos of Lou Dobbs.

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