Archive for the ‘reflections’ Category


I don’t have cable television at my new house and I honestly don’t miss it at all. It is really liberating to be free from the hypnotic clutches of the televisions screen. I’ve wasted countless hours staring at that glowing box. Watching the same shows over and over again. The news is depressing. Nothing but murder and terrorism and kidnapping and rape and religious cults and Republicans. Nothing hopeful or inspiring or uplifting. Just death and fear and pain. Watching the news just makes me angry and paranoid and fearful. So I don’t miss it at all. Its very liberating to be out of the loop. To NOT know. To be oblivious. To be lost in your own little microcosm. Safe inside your own little world. Safe inside your own head. Safe from the talking boxes. Free from the static. Free from the chaos. Free from reality or some dramatized version of it. Free from Flavor Flav. Free from Nancy Grace. Completely Free.

I do miss watching shows like South Park, Weeds, Nip Tuck and The office, but I can catch all of my favorite shows on DVD or watch them online without the risk of getting sucked into the death grip of the television screen.

No more channel surfing. No more flashing images. No more commercials.

I recently watched all 3 seasons of Arrested Development on Hulu.com. The show is amazing! I never watched the show when it was on television and I’m deeply disappointed the show only lasted 3 seasons. The show was incredibly smart and funny and strange and twisted. The show sometimes incorporateed devices used in documentaries such as narration, archival photos, and historical footage which helped make the show unique. Despite critical acclaim, six Emmy awards, one Golden Globe, and a rabid cult following the show never pulled in huge ratings and was canceled after 3 seasons. I can only hope that the show is resurrected Family Guy style but I’m very doubtful that will ever happen. There is word that an Arrested Development movie might be in the works so there is still hope that Arrested Development may return from the dead. Fingers crossed.

Just go to http://www.hulu.com/arrested-development to watch the entire series for FREE.

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There are a number of works I’ve seen lately that are totally blowing my mind. They tend to revolve around the idea of deconstructing these common things that are virtually woven into our DNA (not a new idea, I know). Two of the projects take our common notion of what a “house” is and basically pull it through a 5-dimensional shredder, bending and twisting and exposing those parts that we know are there but never see. To me, this does three things:

a) it forces you to reconsider both the world in general and the world in which you exist comfortably (and in which, perhaps, you shouldn’t feel so comfortable) and, ultimately, the vulnerability of that world,

b) it feels very much like a metaphor for all those things that require faith to exist, including god, love, and your own sense of comfort (see above), and

c) it reveals the parallels between our fabricated world and and the natural world (peel back the skin and there are the bones).

Below are two photos that are seriously overloading my brain right now. In a good way.

Robbie Rowlands
Robbie Rowlands

Dan Havel and Dean Ruck
Dan Havel and Dean Ruck

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Recently I’ve been thinking about the power of positive thinking and positive energy.

I believe in law of attraction – the idea that a person’s individual thoughts and emotions both conscious and unconscious, can cause a change in the physical world that attracts positive or negative experiences that correspond to that person’s thoughts. In other words, like attracts like. If you put out positive energy and think positive thoughts then you will most likely attract that same type of positive energy from the world around you. Your thoughts determine your experience. Your mind has power to shape your physical existence.

The Laws of Attraction state that thoughts have an energy that attracts like energy, and that in order to control this energy you must practice these four principles.
1. Know what one desires and ask the universe for it.
2. Focus one’s thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.
3. Feel and behave as if the objet of one’s desire is already acquired.
4. Be open to receiving it.

If you are always depressed and bitter and you think the world hates you and you’ll always be alone and downtrodden then you will most likely stay that way. If you focus on what you lack in life then you will do nothing but perpetuate your negative circumstances.

I’m not saying that if you think really hard about a cheeseburger that it will fall out of the sky and land on your plate. But I do believe that if you are optimistic in spirit and you remain dedicated and focused on your goals then it is very likely that you will eventually achieve your goals and positive things will happen for you. But if you allow darkness and depression to grab hold of you then you’ll become unproductive and insecure and the negativity will swallow you. You must have faith in times of adversity. When things get tough you need to get tougher and face your battles knowing you will walk away the victor.

It isn’t easy to always be optimistic. Sometimes you have a bad day. Sometimes the darkness creeps in. Sometimes life tests our strength. But no matter what happens we have to try our best to remain positive.

Today I realized that I put out way too much negative energy. I’m always thinking that a disaster is looming ahead. I’m always looking for a car crash or a cancer lump. I’m always expecting the worst. When I have nothing but good things happening in my life.

And then I started to think about how dark and depressing some of my artwork can be. My art has always been my way of exorcising the demons. I always tried to harness that negative energy to create something creative and positive and productive. Painting is my therapy and it allows me to battle with those negative thoughts and feelings that I might have. So on a personal level creating art has been extremely positive and rewarding for me. But I wonder if all of that dark energy has a negative affect on the world around me. Does my art make the world a better place? Does it inspire people in a positive way? I don’t know.

I think my work has always been about the battle between opposite forces – light and dark, good and evil, structure and chaos, love and hate, yin and yang.

but anyway….

I’m trying to be a little more positive.

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This morning Katie and I spent another 3 hours driving around Wichita looking for the perfect place to call home, and found absolutely NOTHING. It was a total waste of time and gasoline. On my way to work I found a really nice house that showed some real promise but the landlord won’t answer her damn phone or return my message. Maybe the house is already taken.

That sea foam green house keeps looking better and better.

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Did I ever mention that I am severely “PAEDOPHOBIC”

Paedophobia is the fear or infants and young children. I don’t trust them. I’d rather sleep in a pit of venomous snakes than spend 5 minutes alone with a baby.

Babies are evil and must be stopped.

Forget about the threat of suicide bombers and nuclear war and global climate change and infectious disease and planet X and flesh eating zombies.

Those bald headed banshees are the real threat to civilization.

I cringe every time I hear one of those creatures screaming incoherent gibberish. That terrible sound makes me want to kill something. It is a torture worse that waterboarding or electrocution or leeches on your naughty parts. And it never stops. It never sleeps. It never shuts up. That sonic screech pulsating out of their giant misshapen heads. Vomit and drool seeping out of their toothless mouths. Crusty chunks of tapioca pudding embedded in their sponge bob square pants stretch suit. They Stumble around like drunken ventriloquist dolls. Like a Frankenstein monster stalking his next victim. Their diapers full of urine and digested carrot puree. The stink! That horrible baby smell. The smell of shit and talcome powder and rotten apple sauce. The smell of death. The smell of evil. The smell of a miniature hobo.

And babies seem to love me. They gravitate toward me like flesh hungry zombies.

They must smell my fear.

I don’t understand why so many people want babies, or find babies so adorable and precious. Am I the only one that can see past those big red eyes?

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Pretty Frank…

Is dying a slow death.

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My work space (at home).

Fuel, this is my little corner workspace at home… my computer sits on a small table in my bedroom. It is surrounded by loose change, post-it notes and various other crap.

I have a little garden gnome that lives with me named Willliam… I seem to only see him when a camera is present. He’s pretty vain.

I’m pretty fuckin’ tired of William. I think he’s poisoning my Q-tips.


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