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Archive for the ‘creepy’ Category

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this made me feel, well, you tell me:

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This scary damn thing had a vacuum in it’s mouth to suck in your trash… my brothers and sisters and I were terrified that we were going to lose an arm.

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Man, I spend a lot of time on the internet.  I should have known to do just a LITTLE BIT of searching before I made that request.  Within two minutes I had found a wikipedia page on Joyland which had excellent information and included a link to a site called Remember Joyland which had all sorts of awesome photos of Joyland. 

The clown’s name was Louie.  Here are a couple of pix.  Now, I realize that this picture might not do justice to Louie’s true evil nature, but I promise, he is a spooky dude.  Don’t let his jocular appearance fool you.  That is how he lures you in. 

I love the internet. 

Louie the Clown

Louie the Clown II

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I recently have come across a number of postings, particularly on ebaumsworld (which, like Pretty Frank, I check daily), with photo collections of scary clowns, like below –

scary clown

The only problem is that these clowns are SUPPOSE to look scary.  And I guess they are.  I would certainly shit twice and die if I found this in my closet, under my bed, or simply sitting at my bedside, waiting for me to see it and shit twice and die. 

But my Wichita friends, if they grew up in doo dah or at least within spitting distance, will know and agree with me that the scariest clown in the history of friggin scary clowns is (or was) the clown at Joyland. 

For those of you who have been deprived the opportunity of experiencing this most evil of clowns, well, I would try to explain, but it would be much like trying to describe the color blue to a blind man.  You just had to be there. 

My first question is:  Is the clown still there?  I cannot imagine it still is,  still sitting at that one-man-band/player piano thing all these years later (I was 8 years old when it was scaring the peewaddin’ out of me.  I am 41 now).   If it is, could someone PLEASE go take a picture of it, or better yet, go video it.  I live in North Carolina now, and don’t often get back to the Great Plains (growing up I always thought Kansas was the Midwest.  Come to find out most of the rest of the country thinks Ohio and Indiana is the Midwest.  I am sorry, but if you are East of the Mississippi, then you are not West.  Ohio and Indiana should be referred to as the Near East.  But I guess this is another blog post, isn’t it?). 

If it is not there, please tell me if I am not the only one with this deep-down-where-you-live terror of this clown (and as a result, of clowns in general).

 

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Emo Abe

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Did I ever mention that I am severely “PAEDOPHOBIC”

Paedophobia is the fear or infants and young children. I don’t trust them. I’d rather sleep in a pit of venomous snakes than spend 5 minutes alone with a baby.

Babies are evil and must be stopped.

Forget about the threat of suicide bombers and nuclear war and global climate change and infectious disease and planet X and flesh eating zombies.

Those bald headed banshees are the real threat to civilization.

I cringe every time I hear one of those creatures screaming incoherent gibberish. That terrible sound makes me want to kill something. It is a torture worse that waterboarding or electrocution or leeches on your naughty parts. And it never stops. It never sleeps. It never shuts up. That sonic screech pulsating out of their giant misshapen heads. Vomit and drool seeping out of their toothless mouths. Crusty chunks of tapioca pudding embedded in their sponge bob square pants stretch suit. They Stumble around like drunken ventriloquist dolls. Like a Frankenstein monster stalking his next victim. Their diapers full of urine and digested carrot puree. The stink! That horrible baby smell. The smell of shit and talcome powder and rotten apple sauce. The smell of death. The smell of evil. The smell of a miniature hobo.

And babies seem to love me. They gravitate toward me like flesh hungry zombies.

They must smell my fear.

I don’t understand why so many people want babies, or find babies so adorable and precious. Am I the only one that can see past those big red eyes?

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